Remote Caddy Over The Arm

In the Middle of the Mall

Not too long ago I tagged along with a friend to visit the Apple Store . I wanted to get a peek at the latest iPad model, which as we all know represents the future of human communication. The new one comes complete with Bluetooth, WiFi, 4G connectivity, a video camera, a GPS navigational system, and an ice cube maker.

When you’re in the Apple Store you can tell it’s the Future, because everything is really, really white — especially the people who work there, who have clearly not seen any sort of sunlight since the first Bush administration.

On the way to the Apple Store we had to pass through the mall , where the Future happens to be located. I have not been in any sort of mall for quite a few years, since I only buy clothes in odd-numbered decades, and then only from the Salvation Army Fashion Superstore, so I was in for a few surprises.

Apparently at some point since my last mall visit, the people who decide how to best serve the Mall-Visiting Public came to the conclusion that our overall shopping experience would be better if we just had tribes of Visigoth marauders posted at strategic locations throughout the central concourse and pillaging passing shoppers. These barbarian encampments are called “Kiosks.”

Kiosks are little islands of Crap-For-Sale, staffed by people who have too many teeth and not enough tattoos to work the Tilt-A-Whirl ride at the county fair. They are trained professionals, thoroughly coached in the latest and most sophisticated customer service techniques, such as grabbing your arm, twisting it behind your back and delivering a smooth and persuasive sales pitch something like:

“Hey, sport! You can need getting some bling for on your cell phone! Have looks at swell covers what I got for you right over here!”

The variety of Crap-For-Sale available in these kiosks is pretty impressive. In addition to cell phone bling, you can get your hair straightened by a guy holding a steel dildo heated to the temperature of molten lava. You can get your face “threaded,” which is a process in which an Indian woman rips unwanted hairs out of your skin, for some reason using a long piece of dental floss.

You can buy Dippin’ Dots , a special ice cream treat chilled to -70 degrees, just cold enough to crack your teeth and flash-freeze your uvula, that little punching bag thing that hangs over the back of your tongue and lets you say words like, “Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrruffles.

Talus Sofa Over Arm Caddy Organizer | HiClass Gift Store for sale ...

Our Sofa Over Arm Caddy allows you to organize your magazines remote controls eye glasses your cell phone TV Guide or anything you need near you while you are sitting on the sofa or in your recliner. This family room organizer stores all the stuff that gets lost or slides under the cushion. The chair arm caddy features pockets for storing your crossword puzzle glasses or remote plus it has a tray to provide a flat stable surface for a beverage or a snack on top of your sofa or chair’s arm. The Sofa Over-Arm Remote Organizer has a durable fabric construction in blue. One side of the organizer features two large pockets for full-size magazines while the other side has one large pocket and three smaller pockets for pens glasses and remotes. The flat surface in the center features short sides on all sides to keep small items from sliding off while making a perfect snack table right where you need it.

Christmas Scrapcrafts

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